Indivisible
by BlueDepths
Summary: People say you can't buy happiness,creation is different. About Ryan and Marissa's relationship,and how it develops. Living life as a married couple,what kind of reactions and happenings will take place after being met with two life altering situations.
1. Sometimes Love Seems So Simple

**Indivisible**

A/N: Hey! This is my very first fan fic, so please tell me what you think. Critique and compliments are both welcomed.

The first chapter is going to be about Ryan/Marissa.

-

_**Chapter 1: Sometimes Love Seems So Simple**_

He watched her sleep, her body rising and lowering steadily. Her golden brown hair spread out on the cream white pillow.

"_Like half the sun,"_ he thought, a little smirk playing at the corner of his lips, threatening to explode. _"God I'm so lost in her."_

_I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing_

_Watch you smile while you are sleeping_

_While you're far away and dreaming_

_I could spend my life in this sweet surrender_

_I could stay lost in this moment, forever_

_Every moment spend with you_

_Is a moment I treasure_

He looked at her lovingly. Her long tanned legs, tiny waist, delicate hands close to her chest and at her beautiful face. She was perfect. Her body shivered slightly. The sound of the curtains playing in the cold breeze, got him out of his trance. It made him realize she was laying there with nothing to keep her warm besides a tank top and boy shorts.

He moved closer to her, spooning her as he pulled the duvet around them. He felt her cold skin against his, his naked chest against her back. The warmth from his body transferred to hers. The sound and feeling of her heartbeat slowly got him to sleep.

_Lying close to you feeling your heart beating_

_And I wonder what you're dreaming_

_Wondering if it's me you're seeing_

_Then I kiss your eyes_

_And thank God we're together_

_And I just wanna stay with you_

_In this moment forever_

_Forever and ever and…_

Marissa woke up with Ryan's strong arm around her. She smiled to herself, feeling his body against hers. Turning around slowly, she found him asleep.

"_He look so adorable while asleep."_

She caught the clock at the nightstand for a second. It was 6:00 am. It was time for her to begin her day. Work started at 08.00, and she had to take a shower first. Ryan's protective arm was gently lifted away, and she slipped out of bed. How cold the room really was, without Ryan's body against hers, she got to experience next. She walked across towards the bathroom, slipping her tank top over her head in the process, before getting in the bathroom, and closing the door after her.

Ryan had woken up by the weight shifting of the bed, and the bright sunlight shining trough the thin curtains. He watched from behind, in her boy shorts and tank top. He observed her every movement, coming slightly closer to the bathroom by each step. Quickly, but gently, she slipped her top off. That caught Ryan's gaze for real. Marissa opened the door and disappeared into the bathroom. He heard the sound of the shower being turned on.

Even though Marissa didn't know, this was a perfect scene of temptation for Ryan. He pushed the sheets off him and was greeted with the cold air in their bedroom. He got out of bed and headed for a very special direction…

A/N: Sorry it wasn't really much happening! But this is just the beginning, and I haven't started on bringing up the 'issues' in the story.


	2. Distraction and Nausea

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait! I'm stuffed with homework, but I managed to squeeze this in between handball practise and homework. Thank you for your reviews, they make my day and keep me motivated and inspired to write this.

_**Chapter 2: Distraction and Nausea**_

He gently turned the door knob and opened the door. He was met with a huge wave of steam, and immediately felt extremely warm. Carefully, he closed the door, not wanting Marissa to stop what ever she was doing. Through the dewy glass cabinet, Ryan saw the familiar curves, her bronze skin and her hair, which grew darker when it got wet.

This whole scene made Ryan a bit tempted. Even more tempted than he already was. He slipped out of his boxers and slowly walked towards the only thing on his mind. It was amazing how she could have this effect on him. No one had before. It scared him sometimes. But it also made him realize how much he loved her. More than he could handle, at times.

Hi steps grew to a halt in front of the glass. His fingers slid down the dewy glass. He felt his heart beat increase, and smiled at how ridiculous he seemed. It was just his girlfriend. No. It wasn't just his girlfriend. It was the most amazing person he had ever met, his soul mate. He loved her so much it hurt. He didn't even know he was capable of such strong affections.

The handle to the shower cabinet was warm, and wet. It made his sweaty palms even moister. He slowly slid the door open, trying to cause as little sound as possible. Marissa didn't seem to notice, there she stood, with her back went to him. She just stood there, under the pouring water, making her bronze skin look shiny and smooth.

He stepped into the shower, his bare feet feeling the touch of wet tiles. He reached out his right hand to push her hair away from her neck. As he did, his finger gently slid across her neck, sending shivers down her spine. She felt his warm lips coming in contact with her wet skin, slightly sucking at her neck as he leaved a trail of kisses on it. She smiled and thought of how happy he made her, just with these small gestures.

She turned around and came face to face with him. Both of them had stupid grins on their faces.

"Hi" she said softly.

"Hey" he responded, with warmth and affection in his voice.

She leaned forward, putting her hands around his neck, and kissed him. Ryan responded by grabbing her waist and pulling her closer, deepening the kiss.

After a whole lot of making out, shampooing each others hair and soaping each other in, they stepped out of the shower. Ryan handed her a white towel, which she put around her, under her arms. He tied his around his waist.

"So you decided to join me, huh?" she questioned playfully.

"Nah, I just needed a shower," he answered off-hand.

"Oh really?" she asked.

"Yeah… And I thought maybe… I could help you," he said innocently.

"Well you've been really helpful Atwood," she said seductively with a smile upon her plump lips.

They stumbled out of the shower, unable to keep their hands off each other.

"What time is it?" She mumbled into his mouth.

"Close to eight," he said nibbling on her lower lip.

"What?" She pulled back, terrified.

"What, is something wrong?" he asked concerned.

"Shit!" she cursed.

"What is it?" Ryan asked again. You could still see concern filling his deep blue irises.

"I have work at 8!" she said, as if she didn't believe her own words. "Oh my God."

She hurried over to her drawer in search of underwear. She tried to put on her white thong from under her towel, but she was doing it so fast that she had to rip the towel off, much to Ryan's delight.

"Have you seen my white bra?" Marissa had her back turned from Ryan.

She didn't seem to notice the situation she was in, as she ran towards her closet. And she also didn't seem to notice Ryan's huge grin on his face, as he watched Marissa's every movements.

"Found it!" she triumphantly spoke, her head inside the closet, sitting on her knees, bended.

Ryan's eyes were fixated on Marissa's thong, and didn't seem to hear her. He managed to tear his eyes away and stutter out a somewhat hoarse 'what'.

Marissa stood up and raised her eyebrows at him. "You didn't hear me? What have you been up to Ryan Atwood?" She smiled playfully at him.

She stared him right into his eyes, expecting her gaze to be returned, but found his eyes staring lower down her body. She looked down and blushed instantly. She raised her head and found Ryan grinning at her

"Ha-ha! Very funny!" she pushed him playfully.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help myself," he whispered, his warm breath tickling her ear and making it warmer than it already was.

"Work…" she mumbled into his lips, getting herself out of the spell Ryan seemed to have cast on her. "My boss is going to kill me!"

"_Unbelievable! This is just perfect. The one day I'm late for work there has to be a traffic jam!"_ Marissa thought, hitting the steering wheel frustrated. After scrambling on some appropriate clothes, she had thrown herself in the car, her bag and makeup tossed in the other seat.

Because of the slow traffic, she managed to put some makeup on. When she finally arrived at work, two hours late, she secretly wished no one had noticed her missing. But her hopes were crushed when she arrived at her secretary's desk.

"Marissa! Thank God you came! Heather has been looking all over for you!" her secretary Amy half whispered half spoke to her.

"Shit!" was all Marissa could come up with.

"So tell me, what took you so long?" Amy asked her with a knowing tone in her voice.

"I slept through my alarm," was the best lie that popped into her head.

"Come on, you know I'm not buying that." Amy smiled.

"Okay, but you cannot tell anyone, you know how things spread around here".

"I promise," Amy responded seriously.

"Okay well I didn't actually sleep through my alarm."

"I think I already had that one figured out." Amy laughed.

"But let's step into my office, I don't want Heather finding me here," Marissa almost whispered.

She walked fast towards her door, with Amy close behind.

"Okay we have make this quick, 'cause I've got a lot of work to do." Marissa closed the door.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just say it!" Amy waited impatiently.

"Well I was in the shower… And then Ryan sort of joined me." She bit her lower lip.

"Ooooh! Say no more! I know where this leads to!" Amy waved her arms.

Marissa laughed, relieved about Amy's outburst, since she really wasn't too comfortable discussing it either.

One would maybe find it odd for a business woman, or man for that matter, to discuss personal details about his or hers life. But Marissa and Amy had grown close over the years she had been employed at the company, sharing a secret bond and knowing each others weaknesses and strong suits. That helped a great deal when you were working in a high pressuring firm.

Working as a fashion designer has its up's and down's - especially when your boss' name was Heather. Not just did she yell at her for coming late, she also took away her sketches for the new fashion collection. Sketches she had been staying up all night drawing. She didn't know what to do. Heather was heartless, that she was sure of.

As she sat there in her office chair, leaned backwards and closed eyes, feeling tired and frustrated, she suddenly felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Like when you are diving from high up above. Then nausea overtook her whole body, startling her, causing her to grip her desk firmly. And when she felt today's nutrition coming up, she ran to the nearest garbage bin.

_And you crash into the pool… _


	3. The Result of Love

**A/N:** I hadn't expected to get so many reviews for only two chapters! Lol, I get ridiculously happy when I check my inbox and find a new review. Apologises for the wait! Thank you again!

_**Chapter 3: The Result of Love**_

As Marissa entered her house, the taste for vomit still lingered in her mouth.

She entered the kitchen to find Ryan with the newspaper.

"Hey, how was your day?" Ryan looked up from the paper.

"Ugh, don't ask." Marissa let out a sigh as she joined Ryan on the kitchen island, supporting her head with her hands.

"You look kind of pale, everything okay?" Ryan studied Marissa's face carefully.

"No! Everything is not ok!" Marissa spat, a little too harsh and loud than she intended.

"Why? What happened?" Ryan hated to see Marissa upset.

"Well…" Marissa began. "I'm now officially temporarily suspended from the design group, but my designs are still going to be used; only they take the credit.

"Oh" was all Ryan could come out with. "Well if it makes you feel any better, mine didn't go too well either."

Marissa drew her gaze up from the kitchen counter and looked Ryan straight in the eyes. "What happened?"

"My designs weren't approved, and now I'm going to have to start all over again." You could clearly hear the bitterness in his words. Marissa knew all too well how devoted Ryan was to his job, and how much time he spent on each individual design project.

"Oh" was Marissa's response. There was a little silence before they laughed a little of their same answers to the others complaints.

All of the sudden Marissa's expression changed from laughter to shock. She quickly put her hand over her mouth and ran out of the room.

Ryan had a puzzled expression on his face, before the sounds of vomiting were heard through the entire house.

After realizing he was just sitting there, he got off the chair and walked fast to the bathroom.

Marissa was sitting, leant against the cold wall, feeling a sense of relief wash over her.

She closed her eyes, begging the nauseating feeling to come to an end. She swore she could hear footsteps coming closer and closer, but she didn't bother opening her eyes.

A snap was heard, but Marissa's eyes remained closed. A sigh followed and a faint blow of air brushed against her face.

She could feel a pair of eyes burning through her skin. A loose strand of hair was tucked behind her ear before the hand slid down her cheek.

The thought of Ryan being there and not being able to see him, made her eyelids flutter open.

Butterflies immediately found their place in her stomach as the all too familiar blue eyes were burning through her own.

A single tear slid down her cheek, making Ryan brush it away the instant it escaped her eye.

"I'm scared," Marissa whispered looking down to her lap.

Ryan felt a stick of pain in his heart. He reached out his hand and lifted Marissa's chin up with his finger.

"Why are you scared?" Ryan softly spoke.

"Are you happy?" Marissa blurted out, regretting it the minute the words had flown out her mouth.

Ryan's eyes furrowed a bit.

"Of course I am. What's going on?"

Marissa's eyes darted down to her lap again as she slowly took a deep breath.

"Hey…" Ryan slid down the wall next to her, and wrapped his arms around her. Marissa laid her head on his shoulder. He peered down at his wife. She looked so distant.

"You can tell me." Ryan kissed her head.

There was a moment of silence, neither knowing what to say.

"It's just…" Marissa started, but stopped.

"What?" Ryan was now becoming desperate for Marissa to say something. Anything.

Marissa took a deep breath again, mentally preparing herself for what was coming.

"I think… I'm pregnant" Marissa slowly said, surprised by her own calmness.

"You're what?" This was not the words Ryan had expected Marissa to utter.

"I'm pregnant. I think." Marissa bit her lower lip.

Ryan's heart started to beat faster and the adrenalin rushed into his blood. A big smile spread across his face. Quickly, he stood up and grabbed Marissa with him, by the waist, spinning her around.

Marissa squealed in surprise at his sudden actions. She put her hands around his neck, and soon she also had a stupid grin plastered on her face. She laughed so hard she had trouble catching her breath.

When Ryan put her down, the dizziness was shadowed by the extreme happiness they both were feeling.

They remained in the same positions, Marissa's arms around his neck and Ryan's hands tightly around her waist, pulling her closer to his body.

Marissa wasn't thinking straight. This was not what she had expected his reaction to be. She felt a bit ashamed of thinking less of her husband, but pushed the thought away. They were here now, in this share of time, and she wanted it to stay like that forever.

Ryan couldn't think of anything at the moment. But there was one thing that he never could forget. Like two magnets, forced together by a power stronger than anything, they were drawn towards one another.

Soon they were gripping even more tightly around each other, Marissa's torso pressed against his chest.

They were now so close that their breaths made the other one's lips warmer and moister. Marissa closed her eyes as she felt Ryan's breaths hitting her lips the instant they flew out of his mouth.

Ryan also locked his eyes. Their breaths was now growing faster and faster by the minute.

As their lips collided, it felt like the whole world stopped. Their kiss soon became more passionate, more intimate, more…everything.

At this state in time neither of them could think of anything but each other. Their bodies were there, but their mind, soul and heart were somewhere far away, where only the two of them and their growing love child existed.


	4. Unbelievable Craziness

**A/N: So incredible sorry for being such a terrible updater. My life's been quite busy lately with school, two weeks vacation and test exam … But here I am with the 4th chapter, and I hope I still have some readers left. **

**Tell me what you thought. Good and bad! Constructive criticism is also welcomed.**

**Disclaimer: Yup, I know I'm a tiny bit late, but hey, it's better than never right? SO, sorry to disappoint you but I have absolutely nothing to do with The O.C. Yeah I know, such a shock.**

**Just to clear a few things out; Marissa never told Ryan about Trey's attempt to rape her, no one knows but her. And Seth and Summer are also married.**

_**Chapter 4: Unbelievable Craziness**_

How can a rectangle shaped box containing a plastic stick, be so threatening?

Marissa stood hovering over the pregnancy test box. A thousand questions were running through her mind.

"_What if I'm not pregnant?"_

"_Is this thing even certain?"_

"_What if I do it wrong?"_

Just standing there in the light lit bathroom, her eyes glued to the test, she had never in her life felt so helpless.

"_Okay you can do this,"_ she thought, letting a bit of air come out her mouth.

"_This is so silly."_ She chuckled nervously.

She heard the front door slam shut, causing her to jump slightly.

"I'm home!" Ryan's voice was heard through the halls.

Marissa cursed under her breath as she was trying to figure out what to do.

"Marissa?" Ryan was now on his way up the stairs and she knew it wouldn't be long before he found out where she was.

She scanned the room for options, and her gaze landed on the top drawer. She was positive Ryan would never look there, or open it nevertheless. It was the drawer with all her tampons and other toilet accessories. She quickly hid it in the back of the drawer.

Ryan stopped dead in his track. He was now standing in the doorway to their bedroom – an empty bedroom.

_Weird, Marissa said she would be home all day._

"_She didn't even leave a note,"_ Ryan thought, after he had let his eyes wander to her nightstand where she normally left a note if she was going somewhere. He was a bit hurt by the fact that Marissa would just leave the house, not giving a damn about informing him. He didn't mean to be a control freak or anything, it was just that they were constantly in touch, whether it was on the phone or spending time together. And now, when she had assured him that she would be home all day long, and she wasn't, truth be told, it got him a bit concerned.

Ryan was ripped out of his thoughts by the sound of someone jingling the lock. He drew his gaze to the bathroom door.

_Why would she lock the door if she was home alone?_

After having some problems with the lock, Marissa appeared from the bathroom.

"Hey" she said quickly. She didn't seem surprised at all to see Ryan there.

Ryan greeted her the same way as he walked towards her. His hands found the familiar path down her sides and rested on her hips. With a small thump, Ryan gently, but fast pushed her onto the door, never abandoning her hips while doing this.

Marissa gasped at this unexpected gesture. Sometimes Ryan could be one of the most unpredictable people she'd met.

He let his whole body press against hers, letting her arms rest on her sides, as he cupped her soft face in her hands and kissed her hard on the lips.

Immediately the both closed their eyes, enjoying the moment. Marissa arms were now pressed against the wall as well, giving her no chance of showing affection towards Ryan than with her mouth and lips.

Ryan took her mouth over and over again while he suddenly pulled back a little, considering they both were a little short on oxygen.

"Wow" was all that Marissa could muster saying. She was breath taken – literally.

"I missed you," Ryan softly whispered while caressing her jaw line with his lips and tongue.

Marissa let out a short laugh. "Didn't I see you this morning?" she questioned playfully.

"Yes" Ryan confirmed, trying to hold back a smile.

"But office hours can be so long," he said kissing the sensitive spot right across her cheekbone.

Marissa moaned in satisfaction and let herself get caught up in the moment.

She felt the pressure from Ryan's body against hers ease, and felt his hands travel to her shirt buttons. He continued to kiss her, like he couldn't get enough of her. While keeping his lips glued to hers, he unbuttoned her entire shirt and tried to slide it of her arms. That task wasn't too easy, considering Marissa fingers were entangled in his hair in the neck, pressing their lips even harder together.

Marissa understood his impossible situation and untangled her fingers from his hair. She let the silky material of her shirt slide down her arms. They continued kissing through all this. The minute it was off her, she undid his tie in an expert's speed while Ryan began tugging on one of the spaghetti straps on her top. After unbuttoning his whole shirt, she began sliding it of with both her arms on each side of his broad shoulders.

When the floor had two new citizens, Ryan and Marissa's shirts, Marissa's top was on the way too, leaving her just in her bra. They were both breathing hard now, out of desire and anticipation.

Ryan kissed Marissa again. It was a wet and strong kiss, considering Ryan's tongue were stuck deeply in her mouth and they were both holding on for dare life.

Marissa felt Ryan's hands sliding from her head, which he had pressed towards him, making the kiss even more intense, down her back and down in her jeans pockets, one in each. He was dragging her with him by … her derière, and when they reached the end of their bed, both of them collapsed on it, Ryan first and Marissa on top of him. Ryan's hands were drawn out of her pockets, one on the back of her head and the other on the small of her back.

"How long has it been?" Marissa managed to drag out in between passionately hot kisses.

"A week?" Ryan smugly responded.

"Seems longer." Marissa smiled.

"Yeah I know what you mean."

Ryan liked best to be on top, it gave him the illusion of being in charge. With that said, Ryan rolled over so he was staring down at Marissa. He leaned down and explored her neck, collarbone and chest with kisses that contained so much affection and desire. Marissa was now panting, moaning when his lips came in contact with her skin. For a moment she felt paralyzed, but soon came to her senses and was no longer under Ryan's spell that strongly, so she managed to lift her arms up and stick them under his well known wife beater.

Ryan felt her soft fingers, nails and palms, sliding up his chest, and he moved his lips up to hers again, to give her better access.

The wife beater was tossed carelessly away, and Marissa began fiddling with his belt.

Ever heard the expression 'saved by the bell'? In this case the bell rang, but you couldn't exactly call it to be saved.

"Ignore it," Ryan's deep voice begged her.

_Why does he have to be such a good kisser?_ Marissa closed her eyes in pleasure and felt her body becoming warm, all the way from her toes to her cheeks.

"Ry…" she said out of breath, not exactly wanting him to stop him in what he was doing.

"Yes?" Ryan asked like a little school boy.

"It could be something important," Marissa forced herself to say.

"More important than this?" he said raising an eyebrow, kissing her hungrily.

"I'll have to think about that one," Marissa playfully answered.

The bell sounded again. Ryan pinned her down on the bed, reading her thoughts.

"We have to go---" Marissa was cut off by Ryan kissing her, and due to her open mouth, succeeded in getting his tongue inside her mouth.

Marissa knew the cause of his sudden urge to kiss her, and decided to have it her way.

She pushed him off her, and surprised him by pressing her lips urgently to his. Before Ryan got the chance to even consider rolling her over again, Marissa had detached her lips from his and was scooting off the bed.

Ryan tried to grab her by the arm, stopping her from going downstairs, but Marissa was too fast. He let out a frustrated groan, falling back against the pillows.

Marissa was now running from side to side in their bedroom, looking for her clothes. When she found them, she threw them on as fast as possible and then went to the mirror. She tried to comb her tangled hair, but that only made her hair even messier. She threw her brush on her vanity table, and tied her hair up in a ponytail. She then left the room in a hurry, followed by hastily steps down the stairs, fading when she reached the bottom of the staircase.

Ryan took this as a sign to get up. He wasn't so worried about his appearance like Marissa, simply grabbing his shirt from the floor and buttoned up a few of the buttons Marissa had so urgently ripped apart moments before, and began walking down to the front door.

Marissa braced herself for what was waiting on the other side of the door. Julie had always been a fan of the 'surprise pop-ins'. But when she had opened the door, there wasn't any perky read-head in sight. In stead there was a tall, lanky man with dark curly hair, side by side with a bit shorter dark-haired woman.

"Hey…" Marissa said confused.

Ryan had made it to the hallway where he spotted Marissa's back at the open front door. He heard the familiar voices, and came to Marissa's side.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" Ryan questioned friendly, snaking his arm around Marissa's waist.

"Oooo!" Seth cooed with a smirk on his face. "Cover up good," he pointed at Marissa. "And cover up _not_ so good." With his finger in Ryan's direction.

Ryan and Marissa's faces were instantly growing a crimson colour.

"Uhm … Well actually we came to tell you something," Summer quickly, but seriously said. She didn't have a problem ignoring the present situation, she had done that for years with the Step Monster.

"Yes we did." Seth nodded. "And I'm sorry for not using another communicating program, but this little one right here insisted on the most social one."

Marissa moved herself from occupying the entrance. "Come in," she invited.

They all went to the living room where Seth and Summer seated themselves on the couch, and Marissa and Ryan in separate chairs.

"Okay … Well what is it?" Marissa was really beginning to wonder what made the two of them showing up on their front step just to tell them something.

"I'm sorry Marissa, but I can't inform you on that matter, 'cause clearly my wife doesn't think I can keep a secret."

Marissa stifled a laugh along with the two others. "And what would make her think that?"

"Okay enough sarcasm already! Jeez, you guys really need to get your own style instead of copying mine," Seth pointed out.

"Since when did you get your own style?" Ryan raised his eyebrows.

"Since comic books and indie rock bands existed," Seth defended.

"Fair enough," Ryan gave in, agreeing with Seth.

Summer was now beginning to get really fed up. She couldn't take to keep this inside any longer. "_Maybe Cohen is rubbing off on me …" _Summer realized, but quickly battled that thought with her classic 'eww'. Whatever _it_ was, she knew that she couldn't keep this up, and hide something that important and huge from her best friends.

"Lindsay and Trey are engaged!" she cried out, leaving the other people in the room stunned.


	5. Questions and Answers

**A/N: **Big thanks to all the lovely reviews. They keep me going.

**Disclaimer: **No, I don't own the OC, and I never will.

_**Chapter 5: Questions and Answers**_

"_Lindsay and Trey are engaged!"_

It was like Summer's outburst had blown out all signs of life in the room. Summer felt responsible when she saw the looks on everybody's faces. Pale and blank. She didn't dare say anything else at the moment, afraid she might cause more destruction.

Marissa searched the room with her eyes silently. She saw Seth who for once where in complete shock, with no promises of words being spoken. Summer just kept staring at the hard wood floor, not daring facing the others. Marissa honestly couldn't tell what the two of them were thinking at this state in time. She couldn't even process her own thoughts properly.

But when her two sky blue eyes landed on the figure sitting beside her, she immediately knew what was going on in his mind. Other people witnessing this scene would've thought otherwise, because Ryan's face had no emotion whatsoever, and his eyes were locked on the wall in front of him. It was painful for her to watch, because she knew he was hurting. Not the normal kind of hurt when you fall and scratch your knee, but the hurt that's tearing you apart piece by piece, deep inside. Marissa was sure he was a mess, even though he was good at not exposing it. Underneath his stern looking face, he was angry, frustrated and last but not least confused.

Ryan was in a deep daydream. The one where you are fighting against yourself and constantly loose time after time. Okay it was a bit absurd, and he was so not expecting something like this, but he was cool with it right? Cool with it. Who was he trying to fool? His brother, who mysteriously ran away when he was in Miami all those years ago, was in a relationship with his ex? He couldn't even picture them together. This hard working girl who never did anything wrong was involved with the ultimate bad boy, who never did a good thing in his life. He hadn't heard from Lindsay since she left for Chicago with her mom when he was only 17.

Marissa's warm and gentle voice brought him back to the presence.

"Trey Atwood is engaged to Lindsay Gardner?"

Summer was still afraid of opening her mouth and form words, so she just nodded carefully.

"How did you find out about this?" Marissa's voice was the only thing that kept Ryan focused, and not willing to escape in his own little world where nothing could hurt him.

Summer bit her lip. Talking had always been her strong suit, but now that ability seemed to have shrunk into something abnormally small. She took the guts to answer, and lifted her eyes from the floor.

"I overheard a conversation Caleb was having on the phone." Woah, that wasn't hard at all. Summer felt as if she had underestimated herself, and her self confidence was now growing stronger by each second that flew by.

Marissa narrowed her eyes at Summer suspiciously. The dark haired brunette took this as her cue to continue.

"As I was saying, Caleb was talking on the phone," Summer began, trying to convey the news to the others as gently as possible. "And then he suddenly broke out into this huge announcement, asking her if she was engaged with 'another' Atwood, and he didn't sound too pleased either."

"She?" Marissa questioned.

"Well, yeah, because he said Lindsay's name at the end of their conversation." Summer felt more at ease now, knowing she had thrown it all out there, and not having to keep it to herself.

"Then Lindsay would become your sister in-law!" Seth broke out, having now managed to process what Summer had explained to them, referring to Ryan. Summer elbowed him in the ribs.

"What?" Seth said in disbelief, not knowing why he deserved that. In return, Summer gave him a deadly glare telling him to shut up, as he obeyed her demands.

Three pair of eyes wandered to Ryan who instantly grew more uncomfortable than he already was. He felt the need to say something, as the six eyes were begging him to do so.

"I don't know what to say, he confessed. "Or feel for that matter." Ryan sighed helplessly.

Marissa's eyes were filled with understanding, not forcing him to say anything yet. She sent a weak smile his way, reassuring him she was okay with it. In the meantime Seth and Summer's eyes looked at him with pity. Ryan knew they only meant well, but he hated to be looked down on. That's how he felt when someone pitied him, and it made him feel different. Like an outsider, and he knew all too well how that felt like.

As the lurking silence again swallowed the air they breathed, Summer decided it was time to go.

"We're going to go," she abruptly spoke, taking Seth's hand and discretely getting him off the couch as well as herself.

"Yeah our schedule for they day is completely booked, it's insane," Seth rambled. "Oh what do you know!" Seth feigned disappointment. "We've overstayed this visit with approximately seven minutes!" Seth looked at his clock in disbelief.

Ryan and Marissa looked at him strangely with raised eyebrows. But deep down they were grateful for Seth's attempt to kill the awkwardness.

They shared a look them between, agreeing that this was for the best. They needed to be alone right now. _Ryan _needed to be alone right now.

They followed the other couple to the door where they said their goodbyes. After Ryan had closed the door Marissa rested her hand on the railing, before inhaling deeply. She had put on a fake cover for Seth and Summer, pretending she was alright despite the shocking news, which shouldn't affect _her_ in any way. She felt extremely guilty now, after realizing the dark secret she would have to come face to face with if Trey and Lindsay got married. The secret she hadn't shared with anyone. The secret only she and Trey knew about. The rape-attempt. She felt sick now, and she didn't know if it was because of the supposed baby which she wasn't even sure existed, or because hiding something like this for Ryan would break them, if he found out. It was all so long ago. She thought it was a bullet proof idea.

_Flashback_

_It was 2am in the morning and only two hours ago that Trey had tried to rape her. She had gone through a marathon with herself, contemplating if she should tell Ryan or not, or what might happen if she told him. She had come to the conclusion that telling Ryan was a bad, bad, idea. One more time she was given the chance to screw up Ryan's life. She was tired of making herself his responsibility, someone who couldn't take care of herself and not being able to handle things on her own. _

_But tonight that was going to change. With determined steps aiming for the apartment door with the green A to the left. She swallowed thickly as she stood face to face with the white door, not knowing if this was right. God damn it Marissa! You now have a chance to save your relationship with Ryan, and for once not ending up hurting him! She finally gave in to the voice inside her head and raised her right hand, knocking sharply. _

_She heard footsteps from inside the door being dragged slowly to the door. "He sure didn't have a problem sleeping afterwards,", she thought bitterly as sleep was the last thing on her mind. _

_The nervousness took over her body as the door was opened, revealing a shady looking Trey with bed-hair and a sleepy face. He blinked a few times, adjusting to the light from the street lamp. _

"_Marissa?" he said confused, in a tone consisting of disbelief. _

"_You need to get out of town," Marissa firmly said, arms crossed over her chest._

"_And why is that?" Trey looked amused by Marissa's behaviour. _

"_You know damn well why!" Marissa spat. "Or do you want Ryan to find out about our little secret?"_

_It dawned on Trey. What he had done was soon evident in his mind. He was trying to act cool and calm, but was failing miserably. _

"_I'll pack my bags in the morning," he said, trying to regain confidence._

"_Tomorrow's too late." Marissa was now beginning to get frustrated. "Ryan gets back in the morning!" _

"_Woah, chill okay? I'm sure little brother won't visit me right away when he comes back." Trey wasn't too worried now._

"_If you don't leave in an hour I will personally make sure you'll regret it," Marissa threatened._

"_Okay, okay, I'll be gone before you know it," Trey felt defeated. And by his little brother's girlfriend, of all people. _

_End flashback_

This reminder of the past ran through her head in such a high speed that it only took her a matter of seconds to experience it again.

"You feeling alright?"

Marissa was startled by this question and tried to cover it with a weak smile.

"Yeah I'm fine."

Ryan sensed she was hiding something from him, but he didn't want to pressure her, so he was willing to let it go. For now.

**A/N: **Please review! The more reviews I get, the sooner I will update.


	6. Distant Memory

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews I got from the previous chapter! Please keep them coming, they get me inspired to write.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the OC. –Hmm, I wonder how many times that has been said. Is it really that necessary?**

_**Chapter 6: Distant Memory**_

The sun was setting. It was a beautiful afternoon just like every other in Newport. But there was something different with this sunset. It was like the sunrays were reaching for something, and didn't want to disappear down the horizon. But the more the rays stretched and glowed, reflected in the sea, the more it vanished into nowhere.

Marissa lay curled up on the garden bench, watching the sun intently. It was almost dark now, but a few rays of sunlight were still to discover, hitting her body, throwing a heavenly glow upon her.

She sighed, content. In some way, the sun was a comfort to her, making her cold skin and goose bumps disappear. But the glowing star was just a replacement of something far bigger, not in physical size, but to _her_. Ryan had been gone a while now. He said he needed to think, clear his mind. Apparently he wanted to be alone. She didn't blame him. She knew this was hard on him. But she wanted him to open up to her, 'unburden his soul' as Seth had referred it to.

Her body shivered slightly, but she wasn't ready to let go. She needed something to keep her warm, the house just felt chilly since Ryan left. She didn't know why. Maybe it was her imagination. As the minutes passed by, she felt her body grow weaker, and soon sleep got the best of her.

Ryan had been walking along the beach, allowing the cool air and salt cent refresh him. He still couldn't wrap his head around it. Lindsay and Trey; together. But how? He needed to come in contact with either. He was assuming they hadn't planned to let the news travel all the way to him, at least so soon. Soon? God knows how long they'd been engaged.

He kicked the sand with his foot, frustrated they would keep something like this from him. But on the other hand they weren't exactly involved in his life. Nor he in theirs, but still. He was his brother and she was his ex girlfriend. The all too familiar word echoed through his mind. 'Awkward'.

His thoughts drifted to the person back home. Why couldn't he share this with her? They had to be able to talk to each other. Firstly, they were married. Secondly, they were expecting. A little smile managed it's way across his face. Expecting. The word had never meant anything to him, now it meant the world.

He drew a deep breath. Through this cruel world there was the most beautiful thing planted in his life. He wanted to tell her that, being able to tell her everything. He knew he could, he just had to let her in.

Ryan walked silent into the house the only sound being made was the noise his keys made to the wooden surface when he dropped them there.

It was almost dark inside, you could only see the tips of the sunrays sticking up behind the ocean. Ryan decided to stop by the backyard to get a final look at the sunset and then head up to Marissa, who most likely was lying fast asleep in their bed.

He stepped outside to find a shadow cast beneath their bench. He walked closer to find Marissa on the wooden Victorian bench, her eyes closed and chest steadily heaving up and down. She was curled up in a ball, her hand resting on her flat stomach. Ryan thought she looked like a little innocent girl, isolated from the harsh reality.

He seated himself on the bench and had to lift Marissa's head into his lap to make space. His eyes diverted down to her as he stroked her hair. Just sitting there with Marissa was the unspoken promise that everything was going to be alright, she was all he needed.

Feeling her head shift position and someone repeatedly stroking her hair, Marissa's eyelids opened, and here eyes curiously gazed up at the person who had stopped stroking her hair and was now looking down at her with a slight smile of affection on his face.

"How long have we been sitting like this?"

"Far from long enough."

Marissa smiled and pulled at his shirt. "Come here," she whispered, drawing him down to her.

She smiled into the kiss as she felt Ryan take a hold of her head with his left hand as the other placed itself behind her neck, lifting her up to him. She herself craned her arms so they were almost around his neck – seeing as she couldn't reach all the way around.

Ryan grabbed her back and pulled her up so she was sitting in his lap. They kissed harder and more passionate, longing for each other.

"You're cold," Ryan mumbled against her lips.

"M-m" Marissa shook her head slightly. "Not anymore." She smiled warmly at him as they pulled apart from the kiss, but their faces still dangerously close, breathing on each other.

"You have no idea how much I love you," Ryan spoke, softly whispering.

Marissa just closed her eyes, a small smile written on her face, savouring the feeling Ryan gave her by uttering those powerful words. When she opened them a few seconds later the feeling Ryan had given her still lingered.

"I love you too,"she said, barely above a whisper.

Marissa swore she could see a twinkle in Ryan's eyes.

"Come on," he said affectionately as he lifted her up in his arms.

"You know, I'm perfectly capable to walk on my own." She smiled at him.

"Yeah, but what would be the fun in that?"

"Hmm …" Marissa pretended to be wondering. "Guess we'll never find out, huh?"

"Nope" Ryan replied quickly.

Marissa let out a short giggle and leaned her head on his shoulder as he started walking towards the house.

When Ryan had reached the door to their bedroom, Marissa was asleep. He laid her gently on the bed, before changing and joining her. He pulled an arm around her stomach, and was surprised to see her lying there, eyes wide open.

He placed a tender kiss on her neck before whispering in her ear.

"Wanna talk about it?"

She just shook her head a little, fighting back the tears which were threatening to surface. She closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to show him how weak she was. After clearing her throat shortly, she spoke the words furthest away from the truth;

"I'm fine, it's nothing."

She was trying to reassure him, but he wasn't biting, not like he had the first time for that matter. He hated to push her, force it out of her, but he could tell she was pained by something.

"You can tell me," was the simple four words that echoed in her mind after being spoken.

She turned around so she was facing him. Ryan dropped his arm from her waist and caressed her cheek with his hand lovingly.

"Tomorrow?" she questioned hopefully.

He nodded vaguely.

One single tear poured out of her eye. She pulled a weak smile, trying to cover it up.

Ryan stared intently in her eyes. He traced his finger down the evidence of something he was yet to discover, never leaving her eyes. He wanted her to know that he was there for her, and that he'd always protect her.

She turned around, pulling his arm around her. A bare sniff was audible. She closed her eyes, and let the wetness from her eyes embrace her cheeks. She didn't want to fight it anymore, she wanted to let it all out, to finally be free again.

Question was the consequences of her actions.

**A/N: Please tell me what you think! I know it was short but I felt I had to stop it there. The next chapter will be much longer, and I will have it up as soon as I possibly can.**


	7. Cold Barrier

**A/N: **Sorry for not updating in forever, but I have been really busy with exams and I just got home from France. This chapter is not as long as I had hoped for, but it felt right to stop it at a certain point. Hopefully you'll forgive me and leave a review if I'm lucky.

_**Chapter 7: Cold Barrier**_

A day ends and the uncertain tomorrow is taking baby steps into the now. The tomorrow will be bearing gifts that might change a person's point of view on the world. Fraud, love, hate and betrayal. You think you know what it's all about, when you really don't have a clue.

People take their last breath the next day and inhale that first amount of air. Life goes on no matter what, or at least that's what we like to think.

Marissa was dragged from her dream by a wet and warm sensation on her belly. She stirred a bit, annoyed that she didn't get to sleep at peace. She groaned, turning the other way, lying in foster position.

"Morning beautiful," Ryan spoke close to her ear.

Marissa, startled from the sudden sound in her ear, bolted straight upwards, hitting her head with something.

"Oww!" they both whined in unison.

Marissa squinted with one eye, trying to convey her surroundings. She couldn't see anyone near in sight. Her vision dropped down and conveyed a bit ruffled Ryan rubbing his head with a small smirk, staring up at her.

It dawned on Marissa what had happened.

"Sorry" she sheepishly yet questioning said, raising her eyebrows. She was trying hard to hide the big grin on her face but gave in. Her body slumped down on the bed as she let her giggles run freely through the air.

"Not a morning person I presume." Ryan smiled.

"Pregnancy is like PMS." She flashed a cheeky grin his way.

"Great" Ryan responded dryly, his word dripping with sarcasm.

"Hmm …" Marissa frowned, trying to show that she was thinking.

She counted on her fingers. "Hormones, mood swings, don't-wake-me-in-the-mornings".

"Is that all?" Ryan questioned, with a knowing smile settled on his face.

"Nah" Marissa answered bluntly while staring up in the ceiling.

"Morning sickness, massive-food-cravings, tendency to hit things, or bump into them." She winked at him.

Ryan looked at her sideways with that same light in his eyes when he was up to something. He grabbed the nearest pillow and swatted it right in her face while hovering over her.

Marissa pushed him away so he landed on his back and straddled his lap. It didn't take long before Marissa had a firm grip on a pillow and was holding it high above her head before she hit him in the head.

She rolled off him and she lay beside him on the bed. Both were breathing heavily and had their gaze focused on the mesmerising white roof. Ryan intertwined their fingers from each hand between them.

"About before …" Ryan started off.

Marissa turned her head, smiling affectionately at him.

"It's okay." Her voice was low.

Ryan sighed. A sigh of relief, and to prepare himself for what was to come. He knew she knew what was about to happen. He didn't have to ask her, their minds thought as one.

Marissa felt her heart beat quicken its pace and was starting to feel terribly nervous. She couldn't do this right now. She thought she could, but she wasn't ready. Yet.

Slowly she realised her fingers from his grasp and pushed herself off to a sitting position, slinging her legs over the edge. The wooden floor felt cold against her bare feet. Just like the cold barrier that was just set between her and Ryan. She knew she had disappointed him now, and there was no turning back.

There were some ruffling noises of sheets being rubbed against one another. She felt his head plant itself on her shoulder and his arms snake around the bottom of her belly.

She closed her eyes in pleasure of the comfort he was giving and to brace herself for what she was about to say.

"Soon" she softly whispered.

She felt his body tense and suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable.

"Promise" she tried to reassure him.

His body relaxed a bit, showing that he trusted her with all he was worth.

"Okay" his deep voice whispered in her ear.

He kissed the spot were her collar bone met her neck and detached himself from her. He hated to pressure her. He knew what it was like to feel forced to do something when you really just needed a little more time.

He grabbed some black sweat pants and a plain white T-shirt, throwing them on. His feet shuffled quietly out of the room, leaving Marissa alone.

And there it was again. That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. When you're not sure whether you should feel sorrow or relief. Marissa had never felt so torn. Torn between telling the most amazing person alive about her secret, or simply keeping it in that condition. But she knew one thing, and that was that this was really tearing on their marriage, or worse; that intimacy they shared which had developed into a strong bond of trust, could be destroyed.

Marissa decided to take a shower to clear her thoughts, letting the water wash away every insecurity she had been feeling lately. Walking downstairs fully clothed with her hair dripping wet, she could smell that familiar scent of pancakes glazed over with syrup. Ryan sure knew how to give the day a good start.

She tip toed to the kitchen entrance, leaning against the doorframe with an expectant look on her face. Ryan looked up, almost as he could feel her presence before even seeing or hearing her. He smiled up at her from where he was standing over the frizzling pan.

"Hey…" her voice was soft and gentle, feeling her heart melting even more for this guy.

"Special order of fresh pancakes with a large amount of syrup for two," Ryan announced, holding up a plate with food.

"Why thank you." she solemnly took the plate out of his hand, holding it like it was the greatest treasure. She sat down with the food and immediately started eating. Ryan joined her on the opposite side of the small table, gazing at her lovingly.

"You know," Marissa started with her mouth full, before swallowing deeply, like she couldn't wait to say what she was about to utter. "Like you said, this is for two, so help yourself." She referred to the plate in the middle of them.

"I already ate," he admitted, and before she could object he added "besides, you're eating for two now."

"So you are just going to watch me eat this?" she said sceptically.

"A-huh" Ryan answered bluntly.

"You're weird," she waved her fork in his direction, her voice muffled due to pancakes being chewed between her teeth.

"And you love it," a cheesy grin on his face.

"Thanks for understanding" Marissa said quietly.

"Hmm" he acknowledged her voice, but his attention directed to the screen where a football game was being played. Marissa took notice of this but decided to carry on anyway.

"So, I think I'm ready to tell you…" She was a bit shaky.

"Mhhmm?" Ryan answered in the same far away tone.

Marissa had had enough, she was going to get his attention.

"I'm dying".

"Oh …" Was all that could be heard from beside her.

She felt guilty, thinking he had taken it seriously.

"No, I mean…" Marissa was about to explain, but stopped her words from flying out when she saw how unfocused he was.

Should she feel angry, sad or disappointed? Should she feel anything at all? But then it all made sense …

**A/N: **Nothing much happened in this chapter I know, but this is just a build-up to what is going to happen in the nearest future. Btw, the purple button is your friend – tell how you feel! I'm really insecure about this chapter.

xoxo Elise


	8. Author's Note

**A/N: **Hi everyone! As you might have noticed, there have been big gaps between updating lately. You see, in the beginning I just wrote this for fun, which is the way it's supposed to be, but gradually I looked at it as some sort of homework. I felt totally uninspired, which I still feel, and my writing has been really bad, and I hate to disappoint you guys. So that's why I've decided to put this story on hiatus, 'cause I don't really see a future for this fic as it is now. I want to write because I want to, and not some sort of obligation. I don't know when it will come off hiatus, it might be a week from now or a couple of months. This will definitely not end, but I want to write worthy to all the reviews I get.

**sugarcoatedhearts: **You've been with me from the start and I so appreciate all the positive feedback! You're one of the reasons I seriously want to keep going with this.

**kursk: **You are the few that have reviewed all of my chapters and you always come with thoughts about the future! You have like this other view on my fic, you believe in what I do and finds some good in it all.

**BrSoccerChic: **Hope you haven't given up on me, lol. Your reviews are open and honest and that's a very good quality. It means a lot that you decided to keep reading even though pregnancy fics isn't your favourites.

**BeckitaAnn: **My first and last reviewer! lol. Thanks for hanging in there!

**TillKingdomCome: **Your reviews are the longest and I love how you put examples from the chapters! Hope you haven't stop reading too…lol.

**nightimedreamer: **You are my sweetest reviewer ever! You can be a little critical too, and I like that. Can't believe you have reviewed all my chapters…..bless ya!

**anailuj: **To not be a member at fanfiction you are the most kind to review – and almost every chapter!

Thanks to all my reviewers for bothering to leave a note, you should know that that is the best part about writing a fanfic. You have inspired and motivated me to write more. I know it's too much to ask, but I hope you'll all be there when I continue.

Lots of love

Elise

xoxo


	9. 8: Irony's Payback

**A/N: Hey so I'm back! I know it has been an eternity since I last updated, six months to be exact, has this fan fic been on hiatus. I wrote this chapter a long while ago, but then I couldn't figure out where to go from there, so I didn't write more than this, and one unfinished chapter. I also edited a tiny bit on the older chapters, but nothing huge to change the storyline. **

**Okay so I hope I still have some readers left, I have to say that reviews are dearly appreciated right now, as I feel inspired to write, and want to keep it that way.**

**And since this is New Year's Eve, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!**

_**Chapter 8: Irony's Payback**_

Tapping her pencil on her desk, Marissa just couldn't seem to focus. It was just yesterday that she noticed the huge gap that had separated her and Ryan. It was like they were in completely different worlds. Knowing that it was partially her fault, she couldn't help but think how Lindsay and Trey's engagement had tipped it off. And Ryan being who he is, not being able to open up about certain issues, like Trey and Lindsay, had helped them stop communicating.

Suddenly diverting her eyes down to her desk, she noticed how much work she had done. A sketch sheet with mindless drabbles caused by Marissa's far away state. Nah, it didn't look too much like the wedding collection she was supposed to draw sketches for today.

Sighing inwardly she rested her hands on her stomach, leaning back in her chair and wondering about the uncertain future. Two month had it been, and you could tell by the growing bump on her stomach that she was pregnant. She had forgotten about the pregnancy test, but now there weren't exactly much need for it.

She knew she should tell him. But she was somewhat hurt that he didn't pay her any attention anymore. Like watching a football game, when his mind was else where, thinking about Trey and Lindsay, _her secret._ There was no doubt in Marissa's mind that that was the case, she knew him too well. Especially when she was trying to discuss the main issue that was keeping them apart.

By instinct she got up from her chair. There was no use sitting here burying herself in thoughts of her complicated life. Grabbing her jacket and swiftly walking to the exit, her stilettos heels tapping impatiently against the floor, she opened the door in a rush, stepping through.

"Mrs. Atwood!" her secretary Amy called for her, using more formal manners in public at work. Marissa turned her head abruptly, and came to a halt.

"What?!" she flinched, her hormones taking control of her mood, influenced by other issues current in her life.

"Uhh … there-there was some kind of emergency." Amy stumbled over her words.

Marissa held her hands to both side of her temple, trying to avoid the migraine that she knew was coming. She sighed, exhausted, both physically and mentally. The rational side of her knew all too well that it was wrong of her to take out her frustration on Amy. Meeting her secretary's eyes, she was greeted with both sympathy and a little fear of her little outburst.

"I'm sorry Amy." Marissa looked apologetically at Amy. "It seems like I'm all over the place lately." She pulled a weak smile.

"I understand." Amy smiled carefully at her. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks." Marissa was grateful that she hadn't caused anymore damage than she had been doing these days. "What kind of emergency?"

"Mrs. Parker wants to have a meeting with you right away, accompanied by the firm's new financial counsellor."

Now Marissa was confused.

"New financial counsellor?" she questioned, like she couldn't believe what she was saying. "Since when? Why haven't I been informed sooner?" she was starting to get worked up, and with the hormones and all it didn't make a good combination.

"I'm afraid I don't know the reason for that," her secretary said, feeling sad for her boss, but also as a friend.

Marissa sighed deeply one more time, knowing she just had to deal. "When's the meeting set?"

"As I said it was an emergency, so it will be starting in about 10 minutes from now."

"Okay Amy. Thanks." Marissa smiled weakly at her, walking back inside her office.

About ten minutes later Marissa was walking hastily through the corridors. The last thing she needed was her boss becoming angry at her for arriving late to their meeting. Finally reaching the big double doors to their regularly meeting room, she threw them open. She was welcomed by a stony look on Heather's face, but to her relief discovered that the third person was absent.

"Hi Mrs. Parker," she politely greeted her boss before timidly taking a seat.

"Hello Marissa." There was an annoyed vibe in her tone that Marissa noticed immediately, keeping her at her toes to not send her boss over the edge.

"So …" Marissa eyes wandered around the room before settling on Heather. "What's the emergency?"

"Well, there seems like one of our competitors has stolen an important marketing idea, that specific idea developed by you."

"Stolen?" Marissa's eyes widened. "What idea?"

"The spring collection's finest," Mrs. Parker began, her eyes looking tired through her glasses. "Your newly designed flower dress."

"But that hasn't even been realised yet" Marissa objected.

"Exactly," Heather said in a knowing tone, adjusting her glasses and leaning back in her chair.

There was some shuffling on the other side of the door and some troubling with the handle, before a woman with her hands full of files, entered.

"So sorry I'm late." The woman said, being forced to hold her head down to support the pile of files in her arms with her head. "Traffic was a nightmare." She walked over to the table where she slammed the files down with a loud thud.

"Hello Mrs. Parker" she reached out her hand to her boss, with an extremely fake smile plastered on her face.

From the minute their supposed financial counsellor had lifted her head to acknowledge Heather, something inside Marissa stopped. There was this uncomfortable feeling settling in her stomach, making her feel uneasy. What was it about this woman? The long, straight, red hair, the nasal voice … It could only mean one thing.

"Oh hi!" the voice was being overly friendly and bubbly for Marissa's taste.

The woman reached out her hand to shake with Marissa's, "Lindsay Gardner", she politely put, the fake smile making Marissa want to scrunch up her nose. Obviously this woman was too obsessed with making a good appearance than to see who she was.

"Uhh … M-Marissa Cooper" Marissa stood up, shaking hands, using her birth name in business associations. She was still in shock and for some reason felt nervous being around her soon to be sister in law.

"Oh, my God" Lindsay began. "Oh. My. God," she repeated. "Marissa?!" she asked out in shock. Her eyes dropped down to her stomach, clearly taking notice of her physical state.

Marissa just nodded her head vaguely, looking down, feeling very overanalyzed by the way she was looking her up and down.

"I can't believe it!" Lindsay cried out. "You work here?!" she questioned dumbly, as if to try to make a point; No, no, Marissa Cooper couldn't possible be working in one of the leading firms in designs in the U.S., there was just no way.

"Yup" Marissa stated, hoping this overly chipper, excited Lindsay would just turn it down a notch with the fake ness and rudeness.

"So good to see you" Lindsay smiled forcefully, pulling her into a tight hug, making Marissa tap her hands oddly at her back. The slight bump on Marissa's stomach made it even more awkward, at least on her part.

When Lindsay finally pulled away, the fake smile still evident, she looked down at her belly again.

"I see you are expecting" she tried to sound impressed.

"Yeah I'm pregnant." You could easily hear the proud ness in Marissa's voice.

"Riiight" Lindsay nodded slowly, trying to hold her mask.

"So I see you too have already met," Heather's voice cut in, clearly annoyed of the delay in the meeting, causing both women's heads to turn in her direction.

"Yes" Lindsay was back with that smile again. "Yes we have."

"Why don't you two have a seat?" their boss offered, trying hard not to show how impatient she was to get this started.

Marissa's and Lindsay's hand landed on the same chair. Both removed it quickly.

"Just … you sit there," Lindsay nervously said before seating herself in the other chair.

"Thanks" Marissa awkwardly responded.

"Why don't we begin?" Mrs. Parker suggested.

Little did she know what had just escaped from the start line.


	10. 9: A New Beginning

_A/N: OMG I know. A post! Sorry for not updating earlier, have been through a mixture of laziness and self criticism. I started this chapter a long time ago, but I simply didn't know what to do with it. So I wrote a little now and then, finally pulling myself together this weekend to complete it, and I'm so glad I have, and it took me longer than expected. I have no idea what to think of this, mostly because I haven't written anything like this before, and how I think nothing I write is good enough. LOL, you've seen my first chapters, haven't you? I get embarrassed by them now, hahaha. Okay enough rambling, but my apologise for any grammar errors, as I haven't had the time proof reading it because I wanted to get this up today. The song is by Iron and Wine "Bird Stealing Bread", and I took the liberty to change the content in the last verse, to make it more suitable for the story. _

_PS: Yes! I changed my name, as it was previously IiI Elise IiI!_

**_Chapter 9: A New Beginning_**

After the meeting with Lindsay and Heather, Marissa was allowed to take the rest of the day off. It seemed that everyone had noticed her edgy mood and how unfocused she was, although she was trying her hardest to hide it.

The meeting, with all its awkwardness, actually went quite well. It was mostly Heather that stood for the talking, and Marissa and Lindsay just commented on what she had to say. Even though you could clearly notice how good Lindsay was in her profession, she seemed a little afraid to disagree with Mrs. Parker, as if she was crossing a line or something. That was very un-Lindsay, 'cause she went after what she wanted, and wasn't afraid to get it.

Going over this in her mind while walking to her car, she saw something no one in her situation would want to witness. Down the stairs of the building came her husband's ex slash his brother's fiancé, with her long, wispy read hair blowing behind her, making it look like her head was on fire, running in her direction, with a slightly stressed expression. Semi unconsciously Marissa turned her head slowly, praying to God there was someone behind her, waiting for Lindsay.

No such luck.

She turned her head back, to be greeted with Lindsay's bad breath, blowing straight into her face.

"I'm glad I caught you before you went home," Lindsay panted.

_In more ways than one_ Marissa thought. "Yeah….." Marissa had nothing better to say, and due to the situation displaying in front of her, it was understandable.

"So I was wondering if I could come by your place to sign some papers."

"Umm….sure….I mean, I can't do it now?"

"Not so much," Lindsay said, and Marissa couldn't figure out if Lindsay thought that was a bad thing or not. "We get the papers faxed an hour before closing time, meaning if you were at work it would be no problem, but since you're not…."

"Oh. Yeah, yeah of course." Marissa tried to smile, and hide her disappointment. It seemed as if Lindsay was annoyed at her for leaving early…. Surely she couldn't help she was pregnant?

"Great!" Lindsay cried. With a small pat on the shoulder and one of 'those' smiles, she turned on her heel towards the entrance of the firm.

_Not great_ Marissa thought with a sigh. How could she explain this to Ryan? Out of nowhere, his ex shows up at his door step, equally as surprised as him, if not more, and he's supposed to pretend it's nothing?

She didn't think so.

--------

Ryan had been in his office about four hours. Four hours of escapism to some sort of normality. Things were tense between him and Marissa, something that weren't of the average. Never before had drawing blueprints for housing developments felt more relaxing.

Then he just stopped. Stopped drawing the blueprints, stopped putting on an act. He was surprised himself, but he knew it was just a matter of time until he would crack. His eyes bear a distant look, as if for the first time, he would display his feelings for others to see, _be vulnerable._

He couldn't pretend anymore, not even at work. Hell, he and Marissa were about to start a family together. How could they act so irresponsible? How could _he _act so irresponsible? He felt guilty and disappointed at the same time - at himself, their relationship, everything.

Rising from his desk he went to the window, setting it ajar for the fresh air to sweep in. He stood there for a moment, just looking out, taking it all in, this _world._ He saw all these complete strangers walking on the street below, going on about their busy lives, living in their own little world.

_They have no idea._

Ryan ran a hand over his face, his tired blue eyes, due to the lack of sleep he was getting lately. He realized now that he couldn't just keep beating around the bush, he had to throw himself in there and deal with what exactly was going on.

With that in mind he stepped away from the open window, a determined look across his features.

Meanwhile, Marissa was busy driving back home, feeling the day she had had take its toll on her body, yawning deeply.

She cast her eyes downwards, letting her left hand waver from the steering wheel for a moment to caress her slightly swollen belly, and softly spoke … "Mommy's tired, huh?"

The response she received almost caused her to drive off the road. Soft, repeating flutters could be felt in her abdominal area, and she instantly knew what caused it.

With a contagious smile on her countenance, she steered the vehicle home, to _their_ house, which _he_ had drawn, his imagination had envisioned this building, and _she_ had designed the inside, but with _him_ as well. She knew that the he too, thought their home symbolized their love, how they would fulfil each other lacks and reward one another's qualities.

Ryan was walking along the beach, having parked his car in their driveway, and upon noticing Marissa wasn't there, decided to take a moment to sort every confusing thought in his head out. He needed to be prepared to what he was about to face.

Still in his work clothes, except his dress jacket and socks, and having loosened his tie and folded up his white shirt sleeves, with his black shoes dangling from his fingers, he let the feeling of the warm send busy his senses for the time being. It felt good, feeling the sand's touch. It reminded him of her, and of all the moments they had experienced at this long stretch of sand, where the ends would drown in the upcoming waves of the salty water arriving from the ocean. It hit him right there, that that was exactly what had happened to their unresolved issues. Something or someone would distract their focus on the problem, but when that something or someone stepped out of the circle they called their life, the issues would still be laying there, only to have grown even bigger and more intimidating than before. Just like the waves of water crashed in against the shore, only to be drawn back out seconds later, leaving new assortments of the sea on the sand banks.

Ending his trail of foot steps, he turned to face the ocean, with the salty breeze blowing straight into his face. Dropping his shoes carelessly, he lowered himself down in the sand, laying his head to rest against the soft corns. Letting his fingers intertwine in the sand, if only for just mere seconds, he tried to dig deeper into what had caused this distance between him and the woman he cherished above all others.

He shut his eyes, letting the image of her float through his mind, taking her in with such intensity, just like he did the first time he saw her. It was like he was seeing her for the first time in ages, _really_ seeing her. He fluttered his eyes open, and stared off into nowhere, pointed upwards to the blue sky, the picture of her still in his line of vision. He saw her trail of freckles on her nose, increasing because of the season, he placed his focus on her lips, wondering what they tasted like, because he couldn't seem to remember anymore. At first sight, looking into her eyes that were staring into his own, he was relieved to see that there was no change, she still held that sparkle. But when he looked closely enough, he saw that it was a different kind of sparkle, not the same sparkle of happiness and love that he knew she only kept for him, but a sparkle of hope, of another kind of affection. He then realized that she still held strong beliefs towards them as one, that she loved him, but that the intense and intimate love they shared had been brushed out of her reflections to her soul, that she now held the love towards their unborn child closest to her heart. It broke him a bit, but he knew all too well that he had been the reason for that action to occur. He felt that intimidating thought that he wasn't good enough take over his mind, making his insecurities rise further and him becoming more and more ashamed of how he had acted lately. But that wasn't a good enough reason for his complete withdrawal from his wife, because he knew that she thought of him as anything but more than good enough. The disappointment she must feel for him right now – it sickened him to know that.

Thinking about Lindsay and Trey, mental images of them haunting his mind, the picture of Marissa didn't waver. As he began to except the images of the engaged couple, they seemed to fade out, only to have Marissa's image grow stronger in colour and life, as if a sign to what lied closest to _his_ heart, and what he couldn't afford to lose; the woman who had so captured his undivided attention just by simply standing there, in that dark evening, eyes upon her cell phone, without making an effort or even noticing his presence.

He had his answer. The only answer he would ever need, no matter how frightening and scary things seemed, and wanted to drag him away from the only reason he needed to keep on breathing.

Marissa stood at the end of the empty staircase leading up to their bedroom. That room, where they had shared tears, laughs, passion, love and intimacy on a level neither had experienced before, had, instead of being a reminder of what she had, been a reminder to what she was beginning to let drift away from her.

Placing her hand on the reeling, she willed herself to lift her feet and start walking up the wooden, highly used and practical part of their house. Memories of the uncountable times he had carried her in his strong arms up this way, haunted her mind, but she wasn't about to give in to her fears, that there wouldn't be such situations of affection left to experience.

She walked slowly towards the room she knew the directions to blindfolded, feeling more determined and yet so insecure than she had in a long time. Resting her right palm on her bump, she found comfort in the growing life inside of her, being a living and developing proof that their love could create something as miraculous as life.

Softly pushing the ajar door open, she peered into the room they shared every night, even though she couldn't remember what it felt like to have his warmth beside her. She was starting to get used to sleeping alone, knowing Ryan was in his study, working to his body would give in to rest's temptation, only then starting his decent to their bedroom, where he would sleep for a few hours and wake up, an uncomfortable distance between them, as when he would fall asleep. Always would she pretend to be asleep when she could feel him waking up next to her, but 'next to her' had gotten a whole new meaning, and was no longer a symbol of closeness, but distance. That kind of distance, when you know you're so near but yet so far away. That kind of distance that would slowly start to drive you insane.

Marissa carefully stepped into the intimidating room, immediately noticing the chilly breeze coming from the ocean through the double French windows. After Ryan had left, at an extremely early hour once again, she had crawled out from the fine confines of their bed, throwing the two glass doors open, the heat in the room intensifying in temperature because of her pregnant state.

But now, instead of the mild breeze in the morning, it had been replaced by a much cooler wind, making goose bumps arise on her flawless skin. Letting her slightly swollen feet lead her to the source of the unwelcome air, she gently led the two window doors together, meeting in the middle.

Ryan had been wandering along the beach for a while, trying to figure out a way of approaching everything to Marissa, allowing the repetitive sound of waves crashing and then being drawn back from the shore calm his being. But he just couldn't seem to come up with anything. He realized he was going to take faith on its word, and just let whatever happened, happen. Instead of a well planned speech of forgiveness, he would let his heart utter everything he had been unable to say for so long.

With that in mind, he took the first steps in direction of their home; a place he hoped remained that way. He would just have to rely on faith to lead him.

Upon reaching their fairly small porch, he noticed a movement above him, his eyes instantly seeking what had attracted his attention so easily.

_Tell me, baby, tell me  
Are you still on the stoop  
watching the windows close?  
_

Watching the scene unfold in front of him, he was overcome with this strong urge to seek her out, needing to feel her presence beside him, _hearing her breathe._

Marissa noticed a familiar figure through the glass, and it hit her how long it had been since she actually had laid her eyes on him. She longed after his touch, his affection, more in that moment than ever.

_I've not seen you lately  
on the street by the beach  
or places we used to go_

How had they so easily slipped away from one another? More importantly, why had _she_ let it happen? How had they, as an us, a couple, a connection, let it all happen?

Standing in the foyer, he took a good look at his surroundings, something he hadn't done in quite some time. Choosing ignorance away in favour of embracing everything around him, he felt like he finally saw the world for what it is, the exact opposite of what he had been doing lately.

The foyer looked exactly the same, not a single thing had been moved or replaced by something else. The small wooden table where they both, automatically dropped their keys when arriving home, the long, rectangular mirror where she would inspect her appearance when they were going out together, asking for his opinion which he always spoke honestly, making her blush. Then there were the numerous framed photographs scattered on every wall, making it look randomly put up there, when he knew they were anything but. His vision landed on one particular picture of Marissa, taken ages ago when they were still in high school.

_I've a picture of you  
on our favourite day  
by the seaside _

Her smile was so genuine it took his breath away, even though he had glanced at the photograph countless times. Her freckles made her look childish and innocent, as she stood in front of the horizon, in this mid thigh white tunica that blew slightly in the wind.

Smiling from the memories that one photo brought back, he sighed briefly, wanting so desperately to be the reason for that smile reappearing on her beautiful face. He licked his bottom lip quickly, something he did out of habit when he knew all too well that he had made a mistake, and was full of instant regret.

After closing the windows, Marissa felt extremely nervous. She hadn't expected him to be there, she wasn't prepared for this. At all. Or maybe there wasn't such thing _as_ preparation. Right now much of nothing made sense. Brushing her clammy palms down her jean clad thighs, courtesy of her knee length skirt, she tried to reason with herself. This wasn't as hard as she made it – right? Feeling a wave of dizziness overcome her, she tried steadying herself against the window frame. It might be from the pregnancy hormones, or it might be from her husband, who's been distant from her the past few months, being in the same house, the same building with her, knowing they had to stop drawing the same pattern they had been circling up.

_How I've missed you lately  
and the way we would speak  
and all that we wouldn't say_

"Hey are you feeling okay?"

Ryan had appeared in the room, his concern for her illuminating every doubt and awkward tension between them. He possessively walked to her, feeling her forehead with his palm. Marissa was startled and tensed up at his touch, but tried hiding it, failing miserably. Withdrawing his hand quickly, he realized he had crossed the boundary that seemed to exist between them nowadays. An audible 'sorry' escaped his lips, as his head and gaze was lowered to the floor – in shame and embarrassment that he couldn't touch his wife like that, a touch anyone out of concern for the person was able to do, a thing doctors did every day.

"It's fine," Marissa whispered, biting her lower lip, feeling insecure and uncomfortable, her gaze flickering across the room – anything but at him.

"No it's not." Ryan had now raised his voice till a normal level, looking her right in the eye. "I…" Ryan ran a hand through his hair, sighing frustrated. He lifted his eyes to hers again. "I've been a terrible husband lately, and I'm not going to excuse myself from that. When you needed me the most I backed away from you. I was a coward, a fucking stupid coward! I just couldn't deal. I couldn't open up to you, you who understand me better than anyone, because I was scared. By what I don't know. The thought of someone coming between us again, the thought of my brother together with my ex, and everything just becoming this gigantic blur of emotion too intense for one person to handle, or maybe just the thought that you wouldn't tell me whatever it is that is on your mind and obviously troubling you, that you're carrying our child inside of you who might not get the father he or she deserves, and the thought that's been haunting me my whole life; that I'm not good enough for you, that you deserve better, which I've just about pointed out true the past few months."

Marissa was astonished. A confession of Ryan's inner most feelings in a haze of urgency, forwardness, honesty and desperation left her breathless with love towards him, and an incredible want to pour her heart out to him. He had told her what she had been wanting to hear, and he hadn't planned his speech, hadn't ready made apologies that would make everything better and didn't try to sugar coat the details. She just craved that amount of humanity from him, admitting that he was a person with flaws, one that made mistakes, but held regrets and wanted to make amends, and was willing to make it work.

"I don't know what to say…" Marissa was at a loss for words, _speechless_ she thought they called it.

"You don't have to say anything," Ryan said, "because we both know that this is mostly my making."

"Mostly," Marissa whispered.

"What?" Ryan couldn't hear her words.

"Mostly," Marissa stated, "I know all too well that I made this mess too."

"Yeah but…" Ryan trailed off. "If it hadn't been for me screwing everything up, we wouldn't have ended up like this."

"Maybe you're right," Marissa spoke bitterly, "maybe you are the sole reason for why we act like strangers around each other, but then why do I feel so guilty?"

Ryan stared blankly at her.

"Because I didn't tell you!" Marissa threw her hands up in frustration. "I couldn't tell you the one thing I've kept from you, and we both know how well you deal with me lying to you or keeping things from you."

"You're right," Ryan said, seeming frustrated, "so why couldn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew how you would react!" Marissa shouted. "You would go and do God knows what towards that person."

"Person?!" Ryan fumed, "there's a person involved in this too?"

"Of course it is! Haven't you noticed? There's always _people_ coming between us and causing us problems."

"Yeah, but who is it this time?"

Marissa looked away.

"Riss, I need to know!"

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid," she spoke quietly, head down.

Ryan sighed even more frustrated, had someone done something to Marissa? He didn't know how he would cope with this information she held, because it seemed big and life altering. And cases like that only got him led by his anger, his voice of reason long forgotten. But he would try, for her he would do anything, and if that meant not going after whoever had hurt her, that's what he would do.

"Promise."

Marissa raised her eyes to him, and saw the look of assurance across his features. "Okay," she whispered.

_Tell me, baby, tell me  
do you carry the words  
around like a key or change? _

Carefully, she took his hand in hers and quietly led him to the futon in front of their bed. Ryan tried to mentally prepare himself for what was about to come out in the open, but he had to admit that the one thing keeping him sane right now, was her hand tightly grasping his, providing him with strength and trust. Looking over to the person who was sitting a comfortable distance away from him, with their clasped hands in between as the only physical contact shared, he wanted to know more than ever.

Marissa swallowed, and held onto Ryan's hand a little tighter.

"Okay, so…" Marissa started, staring off into nothingness. "I need you to know that the whole reason for me keeping this from you was to protect our relationship and you from getting hurt." Feeling him giving her hand a small squeeze as to continue, she brought her eyes to his, staring warmly back at hers, sending a small nod her way.

Breaking eye contact, Marissa shut her eyes for a moment and sighed deeply. As she opened her eyes, she knew that it was now or never. Peering up at him, her eyes glazed over with a film of water, threatening to develop into tears, she wished she would stop hurting him like this.

"I-I'm sorry," she breathed, her tears now drawing paths down her cheeks. "I never should've kept something like this from you."

Having felt like a helpless fool watching Marissa struggle, he couldn't help but give in to his protective nature as he saw tears cascading down her face. "Hey," he soothed, drawing her in to his embrace, wrapping his right arm around her and the other placed firmly on her swollen belly, feeling a sense of proud ness wash over him at the life growing inside Marissa. "We're in this together, right?" He felt her head leaning on his shoulder, her slight sniffle betraying her feelings. Softly, he spoke; "I'm not going anywhere."

They sat like that for a few minutes, both feeling comforted and reassured by the other's presence beside them, calming their racing hearts and bringing peace to their minds, at least for a little while.

Marissa's tears had stopped falling, only to leave traces of them on her cheeks, _tear stains_. Lifting her head off Ryan's shoulder, his grip around her slackened. As if they could read each other like an open book, knowing when the other person was ready and the other prepared, they simultaneously locked gazes; one expecting and the other nervous.

"It all happened so long ago," Marissa began. "I was only a teenager, and a scared one at that. I wasn't…I wasn't thinking straight, and the only thing on my mind was to make it go away," she whispered the last two words, letting her eyes fall to her lap.

Ryan was stunned. Had she kept it to herself for that long? He couldn't even wrap his head around how long it must've been since. Upon realizing this, he was amazed over the strength this woman seemed to carry. She really had grown into the most strong and beautiful young woman he had ever known, let alone loved.

"Riss," Ryan tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "It's okay, I support whatever decision you made, because I know you made it out of what was best for us, you and me. Just tell me what happened."

Marissa lifted her head up and looked at him. Ryan immediately noticed the love radiating from her blue irises, the sparkle she only held for him was back in them, adjoined by the love she held for their creation of life.

As she looked at him, she saw the exact same sparkle reflecting from his deep blue eyes, making her feel truly beautiful, a thing she only felt with him. She placed her right palm on his hand on her bump, cherishing the life there together with small smiles at the other.

"I love you," Ryan spoke genuinely. "I know I don't tell you that enough."

Marissa beamed at him. "I love you too. But that just makes it that much more special when you say it."

Silence took over the room after the couple had admitted their deep feelings towards the other and felt content for the time being. But it didn't take long before they both knew what was going to happen next.

She received his half smile as a way of reassurance, and she knew she couldn't be more fortunate.

"It happened…" Marissa started, trying to gather the courage to speak up. Feeling Ryan's warm hand still placed on her pregnant stomach, she knew she'd found it. "It happened when you were in Miami." She bit her lip out of anxiety, and carefully searched his eyes for a reaction.

"Miami," Ryan seemed to be talking to himself as he stared at the wall, thinking hard. Looking at her again, he spoke. "But, weren't you with Trey then, going job hunting?" He was afraid of what her answer would be, and his mind was spinning from all the possible scenarios.

"Yeah," Marissa confessed, "yes I was."

Ryan felt his heart pumping a mile a minute, knowing that his older brother somehow was involved in this. He suddenly realized why it must be so hard for Marissa to talk about it, as it affected him more than he could comprehend, and that he was about to see someone very differently.

"And?" Ryan pushed on. He knew he shouldn't put any more pressure on her but he couldn't help it. His brain was working in overdrive, processing everything and trying to make sense of it all.

"And, like I told you over the phone when you called me, I was going over to his place to celebrate, 'cause he got a job." Her hands were now shaking, and sweat seeped out of her palms. She couldn't believe this was happening, yet here she was, saying everything she had been unable to for so long. It felt mind blowing, frightful, and incredibly good.

Ryan felt his hand becoming moist, and he knew it was from her, as he saw her trembling hand on his. Lifting his hand up from under hers, he slowly threaded their finger together, seeing how they perfectly fit.

Marissa felt the space he occupied in her heart grow, and knew that if it even was possible, she was falling even more in love with this man.

I've been thinking lately  
of a night on the stoop  
and all that we wouldn't say

"We were both a little drunk, and I suggested some air would be good, clear our heads a little," Marissa's voice was shaking, but she did not fail in completing her message. "We were walking along the beach, and he was acting really strange, saying he felt like he could do anything when he was with me." Inhaling a deep breath she felt very insecure, but brought herself to look into his eyes and saw nothing but love there. Feeling calmer, she continued. "I just thought it was the alcohol talking, that he didn't mean anything about it." Swallowing, she breathed, "he gripped me and asked me if I didn't think he was good enough for me. I tried to explain to him that I was with you, but he wouldn't listen." Her voice cracked at the end, reliving the painful memories. Feeling him staring at her, she looked away, embarrassed, and tried hiding her glazed eyes.

Ryan tried to keep his anger at bay, but it was proving to be harder than he had predicted. His breath was pacing up and he tried to keep calm. Letting his eyes rest on Marissa, his heart broke for her, seeing her so upset and visibly affected by this…incident she and his brother had shared, voluntarily or not. He knew he had to be strong for her.

Marissa seemed to be in another place. "Before I knew what was happening, he had me…pinned to the grown, saying that no one needed to know."

"Oh my God…" Ryan let slip, obviously not prepared to hear something like that.

Marissa turned her head slightly to look at him. She knew he was struggling to keep himself in check, his chest was heaving and he kept swallowing, staring hard straight ahead. Just wanting this to be over and done with, she ignored the tears forming in her eyes and finished telling him what was on her mind.

"Nothing ha-happened," she stuttered, "I got him off me and ran." Her tears were now spilling yet again, making her eyes blood-shot and sore.

Ryan pulled Marissa closer to him. "I can't believe him," his voice was full of hatred, "that he would do someone like that to you. He knew how much I love you and how it would destroy me."

Marissa was filled with guilt. No matter how you twisted and turned it, _she_ was the reason for Ryan's misery and rage. _She_ was the messenger of this awful truth, and _she_ was why Ryan's world was turned upside down.

"I didn't mean for it to happen," she sobbed into his chest, letting her emotions get the best of her, "I tried telling him."

"Shh." Ryan stroked her back in a soothing manner. How could she blame herself for something like this? Her heart was too big to not drag herself down in this mess his own brother had made.

Marissa pulled back, wanting a completion of the truth. Ryan's hand on her back stayed the same.

"There's more," she revealed, scared of how he would take this.

"Okay," he approved, his voice soft and caring.

"The same night," Marissa looked apprehensive up at him, "I went to his apartment."

Trying to keep from letting his emotions get the better part of him, Ryan nodded at her, still stroking her back, a gesture to calm her _and_ busy his mind.

Taking a deep breath, she went on. "I told him to leave town," her voice was cracking because of her expression of sadness earlier. "I didn't want you finding out, like you said it would destroy you, and it was the best solution I could come up with at the time. I'm sorry."

Ryan dried up what was left of her tears with the front of his index finger, before carefully cradling her face with his strong, right hand.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Riss," he said confidently, staring her straight in the eye. "If anything, Trey is the one to blame here, and him only."

Breathing softly, Marissa responded. "I know, but I can't help but feel---"

Her sentence was cut off by his lips meeting hers, surprising her. He slowly kissed her delicate lips, finally tasting here again, nibbling slightly on her lower lip before detaching himself from her. It was the most intimate moment they had shared in ages, a moment they both would treasure and store in the back of their minds to experience again whenever they wanted to.

The tension in the air grew thick, and he stared at her deeply. She hadn't felt this vulnerable since she could remember. The way he could completely see through her, behind every layer of protection, to her very heart, was utterly nerve wracking, exposing, and made her feel truly loved. The room was chilly courtesy of the breeze, but she felt nothing of it. Everything her mind was aware of was him, every bit of him, and how he could tell her his deepest inner most feelings with his blue oceans. She felt like closing her eyes, to take the whole moment in and the effects it had on her, and store it in her memory so that it always would be with her. But she couldn't. It seemed as if he had her under some sort of spell, or maybe they both were, because there seemed to be a secret lock between their gazes – neither one of them could waver from what was in their line of vision.

Ryan felt the two most intense feelings a person is able to feel; love and passion. This woman, whom he was so lucky to call his wife, had so gracefully captured his attention, and they had been through every imaginable complication a couple can experience, and yet here they were, they hearts still stringed together. And hewouldn't_ have done it any differently._

_If I see you again  
on the street by the beach  
in the evening,  
will you fly like a bird  
and steal my heart out from under my nose?_

_Reviews are dearly appreciated. I'm serious when I say that feedback motivates me, and really, it only takes a few seconds. So tell me your thoughts, critique is welcomed!_

_Elise_


	11. 10: Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear?

Ryan's arm feels like a safety band, wrapped so delicately but protectively around her swollen belly

_A/N: Hey! What do you know, I am posting! I am surprised myself. Finally found the inspiration to continue this story. Hope anybody is still around to leave their opinions… But of course new criticism is always welcome! This chapter isn't by far as long lik the last, but I'll soon be updating again, that I promise, because I'm just about to plan the next part. The length of this chapter is mainly courtesy of me eager to post again, which is why I will soon be updating.. Hope you enjoy!_

Ryan's arm feels like a safety band, wrapped so delicately but protectively around her swollen belly. They have lied on their bed longer than she can remember. Maybe it's a good thing. That she can't remember. She feels her eyelids getting heavy, having used a lot of her energy on the confrontation. But her tiredness is too courtesy of the contentment of having things out in the open and not left in the dark. Besides, with Ryan so close to her, rubbing soothing patterns on her abdomen, she hasn't felt so calm in a long time.

Ryan nestles her hair, grazing his lips on the back of her neck. Delicately, but protectively. She feels heavy, letting her full weight hit their mattress, but a baby inside your tummy might do that to you. A sense of peace falls over the room. A sacred kind of peace that shouldn't be broken.

Damn doorbell.

Marissa yawns deeply, small droplets of tired resting in the crook of her eyes. She is so comfortable, and so, so devoid of strength. Ryan murmurs something in her ear, but all she hears is his husky tone, feeling too sleepy to make any sense of his message. Her safety band is gently removed, making her on instinct curl into a protective ball-like figure. He takes notice of her change in position, his signature half-smile displaying how much he's in love with her, bending down and placing a kiss on her nose, delicately, but protectively.

He descends the stairs carefully, not wanting to wake his slumbering, pregnant wife. He feels like thing's finally getting on track, and it's an unbelievably good feeling. With sparkling, alive blue eyes, which have resembled a dull man's vision for the past few months, Ryan opens the front door to greet the unknown person.

Swinging the door open, he is met face to face with a person he thought he would never see again. It's cliché, it really is, but he can't help but feel a sense of déjà vu back to his high school years. Though it isn't pleasant memories he is having, it is more like he finally can see how hopeless _their_ relationship was. He feels glad, knowing his mind is no longer clouded with the naïve attitude he was portraying then with her. He guessed an ex being engaged with your older brother does that to you.

Lindsay looks equally surprised, if not more. Their reactions are quite similar in fact, apart from the new lit twinkle in her eyes. She feels sick just by the thought of them being together, sharing a house and their lives with each other. Oh, she remembers, Marissa is also expecting their child. But that doesn't mean she is going to fight a lost battle. In fact, from the way she sees it, she arrived on this very doorstep right on time; before Ryan and Marissa would be connected for eternity. _But what about Trey? _A voice in the back of her mind asks her. Shoot. She had completely forgotten about him, spur of the moment think she reasoned with herself. But he wouldn't be a problem. She would make damn sure of that, even if it was the last thing she did. But it couldn't hurt to play happy house for just a little while, could it?

Thinking he should actually say something, he slowly opens his mouth, trying to find the right words. "Uhm," he stutters, continuing at a hasty speed "Lindsay, hi."

Having taken in his greeting, she muster's the courage to respond, all of a sudden feeling nervous of being in his presence. "Hey Ryan."

"If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here?"

"Uhm…" Lindsay seems to have forgotten her reason for this little visit, and just stands there, gaping. A bell goes off in her head. "Oh, of course, I-I'm here because of Marissa."

Ryan does not feel less confused by her answer. "What do you mean, is something wrong with her?" His instinctual worry when it comes to his wife starts to kick in.

Lindsay hurries to stop the misunderstanding from going any further. "No, no no, nothing like that. We… we actually work together. I'm… her boss' financial counsellor."

The words felt like a punch in the gut. This was the last thing he needed. When they were finally beginning to untangle Marissa's and his relationship, Lindsay shows up on their doorstep. Marissa's words were ringing in his ears; _Haven't you noticed? There's always people coming between us and causing us problems. _Ryan felt a sense of dread, knowing how entirely right she was. He suddenly wondered why she hadn't told him about her and Lindsay working together. But it hit him, they hadn't really been talking at all until tonight. So who was he to blame her for this inconvenient situation?

Noticing the quiet which had descended on them, he spoke up. "Uhm well, should I go get her, tell her you're here?"

Lindsay had been hoping for more interaction from him. "Uhm, sure, I guess." Her voice sounded tiny and weak.

"Okay…" Ryan was at a lack of what to say. "So I will just go and get her, come on in." He spoke the three last words very quickly, finding them awkward to utter.

When the both of them were standing in the hallway, and Ryan had closed the door, he hurried up the stairs to Marissa. He felt guilty disturbing his peaceful wife; he knew that this was the last thing she needed as well.

Opening the door slowly, it letting out a small creak, but seemingly not enough to wake her. He walked slowly up to their bed, wanting nothing more than to lie next to her, feeling her warmth spread through him. She laid tangled up in the sheets, her hair a mess, in a way only he could find adorable. He could see the dark circles under her eyes. God, why hadn't he noticed how exhausted she really was. He carefully sat down on the mattress, leaning over to wake her. Delicately, but protectively he stroked her warm cheek, tucking a stray hair out of her eyes. How he had missed these tiny gestures of affection. Oh how he wanted to crawl into bed with her and just rest. He could think of nothing better.

The gesture didn't seem to wake her from her sleep, quite the opposite in fact. She instinctively curled herself closer to him, seeking his warmth. This made Ryan's heart melt, and he felt himself falling in love with her all over again. Moving even closer to her, he whispered softly in her ear. "Riss, baby you have to wake up." It took a few seconds, but sure enough she began stirring, stretching her limbs out.

She yawned deeply. "Are you referring to me or our child?"

This made Ryan chuckle quietly. "You think you're so funny, don't you?"

"Uhm…" She peered out with one of her eyes. "I am a little bit."

Ryan found himself so at peace. Sighing, he bent his head to the crook of her neck, finding her smell comforting.

"Aww, baby are you tired?"

Ryan gave off a muffled noise, before responding. "Okay maybe we should quit calling the other 'baby' when we're actually going to have one. A baby I mean."

Marissa giggled. "Uh-huh…" Her voice was laced with laziness.

"You're just going to agree to almost anything just so you can stay here, aren't you?"

"Hmm…" Marissa mused, smiling gently.

"Aren't you going to ask me who was at the door?"

"Well aren't you going to tell me?" He had missed this cheeky side of her.

"Are you sure you want to know, because the person is currently standing in the foyer."

"WHAT?" Marissa quickly wriggled out of their embrace. "Why didn't you tell me? We can't lay here then, can we?"

Ryan laughed at her antics. "No we can't," he said, doing a terrible imitation of her voice.

"Jerk." Marissa slapped him in the shoulder. Having kicked of her shoes in her sleep, she glided her bare feet over the edge of the bed, coming face to face with herself in the mirror."

"Oh, my God. My hair looks terrible! Shit, now our guest will think we had a quickie in the bedroom while she was waiting for us!"

Ryan couldn't help but laugh at her. "Now, would that be so bad?"

"Yeah, you would like that wouldn't you." She was now walking like a maniac through their bedroom, searching for something. "Crap, where is my hairbrush! Ry, can I use yours?"

"Aww, sorry honey," Ryan came up behind her, circling his arms around her. "I don't use a hairbrush."

Marissa forced his arms away. "Well you should, you know, in case your wife looses hers? God, where are your priorities?"

"Riss, calm down, I doubt Lindsay will stay for long."

Marissa stopped her motions. "You said what now?"

"Uhh…" Ryan had let it slip. "Yeah… Lindsay is our guest."

"And you didn't tell me sooner? Thanks a lot!"

"Hey, hey, hey…" Relax, I'm here okay? He put his arms on both sides of her pregnant belly.

"Yeah I know…" Marissa smiled weakly at him. "Sorry I freaked out."

He gave his signature half smile. "I would've expected nothing less."

"Haha, I'm sure."

"Now…" Marissa walked to their bathroom, threading her fingers through her hair. "If I could just get my hair under control, we'll have to face her…" Walking back, tying an elastic band around her hair, she seemed to have relaxed a bit.

"Yeah…" Ryan could think of nothing else to say. Delicately, but protectively putting an arm around her waist, they walked slowly together through their door, ready to face whatever was in store for them.

_A/N: Please drop me a line or two, words are gold. 3 _


	12. 11: Can't Buy me Love

As they descended the stairs together, Lindsay couldn't help but look up

As they descended the stairs together, Lindsay couldn't help but look up. She had been 'admiring' one of their pictures. More like staring at it for how long to see if eventually, Marissa's face would turn into hers. She guessed wedding pictures were magically unchangeable, because she never had this problem before. But now, upon seeing them, there was no twisting the truth. There they where, a married couple, with a baby on the way. She couldn't help but notice the small but visible signs of affection going back and forth between them. And their eyes. Ugh. How she had hated their little staring sessions. It didn't really help playing the attention seeking girlfriend either. She had learned that just fine. But now, she had been given a second chance. Better not screw it up…

Marissa would try to act civil for the sake of her own peace of mind. She remembered why Lindsay was there now, standing there looking a bit, dare she say it, up to mischief. Her pregnancy nausea started bubbling up, but if there was one thing she would control it was her own dignity. Squeezing Ryan's larger hand, she momentarily convinced herself that she could do this for two reasons. One, she had started living her life again and she would not let some random stranger from the past screw things up. Two, she was stronger than what she had been during their high school days, she had found the inner strength in herself and the flame was burning strong in her heart.

Ryan was nervous. Although he knew his ex's visit was work related it didn't stop matters from getting awkward. He had never doubted his instincts, so now there were only two things he could do. The first being protecting Marissa and their growing family, and the second thing showing Lindsay were he stood in the grand scheme of things. As for Trey being involved in this ever entangling web, he was trying to keep him way off his mind.

Staircase now behind them, the couple was now mere meters from their "opponent".

"Hey Lindsay", Marissa put on a polite but brief smile.

Lindsay snapped out of her daze and responded in a similar fashion; "Hello Marissa."

Ryan stayed in the background, or at least made the effort to do so. With Lindsay's eyes on him it was kind of hard to stay focused. And he meant that in a non romantic way, rather in a 'please stop staring at me woman' kind of way.

Marissa struggled to maintain their beginning conversation. "Uhm, sorry for keeping you, I guess I can just sign the papers right away just to get it over with." She meant this in a win win situation for the both of them. Surely this must be uncomfortable for her former step sister too.

"Uhh," Lindsay stuttered. "Sure, let me just get my briefcase. I must've left it in the car in my rush to get here." But there was no rush, she had been planning this. Her plan had officially been put into action.

"Of course," Marissa agreed.

With Lindsay out of the house for a minute, Ryan's wife allowed herself to relax. "Oh my God" she breathed. "This is the last thing we need. I'm sorry for not telling you about me working with her." Leaning her head on her husband's shoulder, she looked up at his big blue orbs apologetically.

Smiling, Ryan's voice was laced with affection as he gently held her chin. "Hey, this is not your fault. And I could never stop loving you anyway."

Marissa sighed in relief and bridged the small gap between them with a kiss. As if interrupting their private moment on purpose, the door violently cracked open. The sound following was that of papers being shuffled together, and then finally Lindsay appeared. Immediately the enamoured pair had broken apart on instinct.

With the taste of Ryan still lingering on her lips, Marissa decided this was her chance to quickly be left alone by this woman. At least for the time being, she mentally added in. "So, Lindsay" she began. "I gather you have the necessary documents?" She thought keeping a polite tone would help the situation go along.

Taken aback by the formalness in Ryan's spouse's voice, Lindsay quickly recovered. "Well yes, that's correct." Holding out the dramatic pile of papers which she silently knew weren't necessary, she pointed them in her direction. "Here you go."

First thinking it was some kind of joke from Lindsay's side, Marissa looked amused for a very brief moment, silently thinking what the hell this bitch wanted. "You're kidding, right?" The polite tone was vanishing at quite the speed, being replaced by a more frank one.

Struggling to keep a straight face after seeing Marissa's reaction, Lindsay tried her best to act casual. "Of course not. This is what Mrs. Parker wanted signed." Inside her head an orchestra of violent violins and angry drums were playing. Game plan.

Furrowing her eyebrows in suspicion, Marissa cautiously picked her words. "Well, I didn't expect there to be so many papers. She stretched her arms out and involuntarily accepted the enormous pile of white paper sheets.

Ryan, having witnessed their interaction from a safe distance, now jumped right in, having grown frustrated at his ex' antics. "Surely this isn't necessary."

Lindsay held back a sarcastic laugh at what Ryan had just uttered. "As I just said, of course it is. I'm just the messenger of my boss's wishes," she tried to win back her innocence.

"Right..." Ryan wasn't a little bit less sceptic but wanted this ordeal to be over with so he settled on 'agreeing'.

Smiling happily, Lindsay followed her game plan. "But gosh, it's been what, almost 10 years since I last saw you? I think we have some serious catching up to do, buddy.

Ryan cringed at her last word. Only Seth called him that, and hearing it from his ex, who obviously is fan of the Atwood look or name, was just plain creepy. "Sure."

Marissa sighed in frustration, wanting nothing more to just creep back in bed with her husband for some delicious hours of sleep. Was it just her jealousy creeping in, or was Lindsay trying to flirt with her husband? God, what a contrasting day. Turning towards their home office, she turned her back on the odd duo.

Ryan looked behind him to see Marissa disappearing down the hall. He could literally feel her presence fading from the room, and it gave him the chills. Craving nothing but his wife's company, he briefly closed his eyes, bracing himself for the next hour.

And sure was he right, because he hadn't sooner turned around before he found an ecstatic Lindsay clapping her hands together like a little child who had ruined the enemy's sand castle on the beach. "Good, now, I want to know all the details."

"Details about what?" Ryan had no idea what this woman was on, but it had to be something.

"Hmm," Lindsay put a finger to her lips and proceeded. "About the wedding, how you two sneaks got together after I left for Chicago with my mother." She added the last part with fake laughter, as if his and Marissa's love for each other was just a joke.

The next hour went on at a snail's pace. The redhead seemed to want these things: A tour of the house (yes, including the master bedroom), acceptance to greedily shuffle through their photo albums and the wedding tape. It was crazy, because Ryan could swear she was acting like a detective. If that was the case, Ryan had a bad feeling about showing his persistent former girlfriend this intimate stuff.

After about 45 minutes, to Ryan's joy and relief, his wife appeared in their living room where the two was situated. Slipping her hands around his waist, she saucily whispered in his ear. "Having fun?"

Ryan turned in her embrace and kissed her hard on the lips, sure that Lindsay was too obsessed about the current album to notice. "You have no idea what you just escaped."

She revelled on how soothing Ryan's thumbs were on her hips, as they drew soft patterns on her skin. With her arms circled around his neck, she buried her head in his chest. "I've missed this." That was her gentle words that made Ryan's heart burst with love for her.

Feeling content, Ryan kissed her hair as he held her as the most fragile piece of glass. "I love you," he murmured in her scented hair. Marissa raised her head at this and looked him in the eye. "You make me so happy," she revealed, a smile playing on her lips.

A photo album sharply snapped shut and so did their moment.

"A-hem," Lindsay fake coughed.

Marissa was determined to not let Lindsay of all people ruin her mood. She had enough going on with her hormones already. In a state of balance, Marissa calmly ended this little visit of hers. "Oh yes, the papers – they are in the foyer." She left it off there, hoping Lindsay would take the hint. But she held her ground. Marissa couldn't figure out if it was because she was a mindless idiot or merely playing one. Tough choice.

Not giving up, Ryan's better half spoke again. "Should we go there to collect them?" Bam. Formalness was back. Neither Ryan or her could manage Lindsay on more personal levels yet. The exact opposite of Ms. Gardner, Mr. And Mrs. Atwood understood each other perfectly without speaking.

Eventually the redhead took the major hint and went in the desired direction.

"All papers have been signed and I made copies in case anything should happen, seeing as they are rather important documents." They all stood in the foyer now, Marissa with a feeling of victory, Ryan that one of relief and Lindsay of annoyance. Why the hell didn't they have any dirty little secrets? Oh, crappy days. Anyhow, she would use what she could yet from present time. After all, there is no time like the present, right?

"Thank you." She cleared her throat, suddenly feeling small. "I guess I better go."

Ryan laughed a bitter laugh. "We don't mean to kick you out, Lindsay, but seeing as Marissa is pregnant, she needs all the rest and quiet she can get. Thanks for stopping by." And with that the door slammed in Lindsay Gardner's face.

Marissa was tired, there was no beating around the bush on that one. As soon as Lindsay was out of their face, figuratively speaking, Ryan peered over at her. "Baby, let's get you into bed."

She led out a joyful laugh, playing his game. "Baby, you're doing it again."

Scooping her up in her arms, he kissed her deeply. "So," he mumbled between isses, "do you".

"Ryan Atwood," Marissa pulled back. "Get me down before I break your back. I weigh like a hundred pounds with this baby of yours in my tummy." She tried fighting his strong arms, but she was fighting a lost battle.

"Marissa, hold still before you hurt yourself and the baby." He looked at her seriously and she gave in.

"Alright, but if you hadn't gotten me pregnant I would so be able to fight you."

His eyes sparkled amusedly. "A-huh" he winked at her, teasing her.

"Shut up, you know I'm usually more fit than I am now."

"I know you are, but I will love your body no matter what. And right now you are the beautiful woman I married, carrying our child." He proceeded smothering her with kisses all over her face.

"Ryan stop," Marissa giggled, you know how ticklish I am. "Her limps got into a frenzy and Ryan saw no other way than to lower her onto the stairs where they were standing.

Continuing to kiss, no properly this time, Marissa managed to get out a few words in between. "I'm like" ... "Like"... "the curviest woman on earth" she pulled back. "And I mean that in a negative way. "

Ryan gazed upon her, his eyes growing darker. Inching his face closer to hers, he murmured. "But I love your curves." Running his hands over her breasts and hips, Ryan made his point clear.

"But I'm fat," Marissa complained, ruining the mood.

Ryan laughed. He smiled down at her, giving her his signature half smile. "You're pregnant, not fat. It's perfectly normal to go up in weight, but if you ask me it's in the right places," he said, his voice growing darker towards the end.

"You fool," Marissa breathed, being captivated by his intense eyes and unable to say anything further.

"A fool in love yes, but not a fool for falling in love with you." He winked at her once again.

She burst out laughing. "Atwood, where do you get these things..."


End file.
